Into Perspective

You know those days when something happens that just puts things into perspective a little more? Today was one. As you have read from the previous post "The Great Clothing Debate", Sydney and I have quite the knock out drag downs about her clothes. Monday night we went ahead and picked out all clothes for the rest of the week. Today's selection was a denim skirt, pink leggings, a hot pink Rocker T-shirt and her black "biker boots"....it really was a cute outfit. She has been looking forward to wearing those boots all week, but hasn't been able too because of P.E. (darn you, P.E. messing up our cute outfits with your "must wear tennis shoes" rule). So, today dawned bright and early at our house with the anticipation of wearing her new boots. She got dressed, ate breakfast and then heard the words "Whoa...look at the time, only 10 more minutes! Go get your shoes and socks on, grab your backpack and jacket and brush your teeth" (In hindsight "brush your teeth" should have been the first instruction, but we'll get to that later). Anyway - socks on, boots on and a quick test to make sure she could sit "criss cross applesauce, snip snap hands in your lap" proved to be disheartening. When we tried different seating methods none of them would work because she was afraid she would run into the next dot on the carpet and have to change her color. So....we had to change shoes. The first pair yielded a pewter pair of slip ons. They were cute, but she determined the left one was too tight. I said, "Syd - you are going to have to hurry - we're down to 4 minutes! Go put on a different pair, grab your back pack, jacket and brush your teeth" (again with that instruction last) -"what about your hot pink pair that I bought you and you never wear?" I shouted after her.... Out of her room she comes in white sandals that are really too small stating "it's fine, mom, it's fine" Now down to 1 minute and no back pack or jacket in sight I said "it's not fine, but there's no time. Where is your jacket and BACK PACK?????" Out she comes with a pullover... "Sydney Reese! Your Jacket! Your pink fleece jacket!" Tears.... "I can't find it" Crap - totally my fault - I didn't put it up last night - quick hug, kiss and apology, race to find the jacket and out the door we went. As we walk out I hand her the jacket and say "here put this on" (we walk to school, mind you) to which she says "I don't really think I need it".....Now - I decide to pick my battles. "Fine then! Leave it here. You are going to freeze, but if you are not going to wear it you are going to leave it here"....It was 40 degrees. She was wearing short sleeves. She froze the whole way to school. I dropped her off with a hug and a kiss and "Have a GREAT day I love you" and felt terrible the whole way home. I should have forced her to wear the jacket. I should have told her she looked beautiful in the too small white sandals. I maybe should have encouraged Twinkle Toes, but I definitely should have told her how beautiful she was. I wanted to drive back up to school, walk down to her classroom, give her a hug and tell her that sometimes mommies mess up. Sometimes we yell when we really shouldn't. Sometimes we make mistakes that we hope don't have lasting effects. I didn't. I'll talk to her about it this afternoon.

I got home, flipped my calendar and realized I had a pre-natal appointment this morning. Off to the doctor I went for a regular check up. However, the measurements are off. This could mean nothing. It could mean he's going to be small or that he's turned weird (it's probably one of these things) - however, it could mean the fluid is low or that he's stopped growing for some reason or, worse, only part of him has stopped growing. I am sure this baby is fine, but talk about putting things into perspective. Here's this little life that is probably thriving just fine, but may not be.... and I am fighting with my 5 year old about sandals! What is wrong with me?!?! Why do I consistently make these same mistakes over and over???? Because I am human. My children love me unconditionally as I love them....we all make mistakes - they'll make them, I'll make them again and again, I'll forgive them, they'll forgive me and we'll continue to love each other through all the mess ups!

This afternoon I will make sure Sydney knows that I think she is beautiful inside and out, in boots or in sandals, with her hair up or in her face....she is sheer beauty because she's an incredible kid.

P.S. As we were walking to school I said to her "you brushed your teeth, right?" "ooops" was her reply - Teeth brushing instruction first from now on :)