A good cry

I love being a mom, but there are certain times in my life that I just don't like this gig - and those times are when you see your baby in emotional turmoil. So much has happened since my last blog (but that's another blog for another day). I decided to blog today because it was Sydney's first day of first grade....and I couldn't help, but notice that my last blog was written about her kindergarten graduation. Soooo much has happened - hopefully, I can recap the summer soon, but for now let's discuss why I'm not loving the "mom" job right now. This morning I dropped Sydney off at school. We've been discussing it all summer, she got the teacher she wanted, she's got a few friends in her class, it's the exact same classroom as last year because kindergarten and first grade swapped, she didn't cry at all last year so - it would stand to reason - that this year's first day drop off should go off without a hitch. not.so.much.

We met our friend, Ryan, for doughnuts - we were all smiles. We drove to school - giggling with Harper in the back. We walked in - things got quiet. I knelt down to hug her - insert water works. After trying to calm her down, taking her to the teacher, walking her into her room and finally determining I was going to lose it myself any minute, I left her with her head buried in her arms on her desk and sobbing. I teared up a time or two throughout the morning. I distracted myself with a play date. I missed my dentist appt. I watched "Say Yes To The Dress" (p.s. don't do that when you are all choked up about your daughters growing up and how they'll be getting married before you know it....) I had a couple of phone calls telling me that she was fine. By 1:30 I was feeling much better, but still anxious to go pick her up and see, for myself, how the day went. I could tell when I picked her up that she wasn't her normal self. She talked to daddy, Gigi and Minky on the phone, telling them all that she had a great day - but I had a feeling that she still wasn't being truthful. About 5:30 she completely lost it. She cried, she sobbed, she hugged me.....and she begged me not to make her go tomorrow. I asked multiple times what was wrong, how I could help - she just kept saying "I don't want to go back". So I switched gears "Syd, I can't help you if you can't tell me what's wrong. You cannot stay home from school forever. There's nothing I can do about it". Then....I got this Face book message from a dear friend that told me that Sydney's feelings were important and should be validated. I.felt.terrible -so I got up from my computer, I sat on the couch and I cried with my first grader. I told her that it was ok to cry, that it was ok to be scared and that sometimes I'm scared too....and I just want to cry - so for the next little bit we were just going to cry -and we did.....and guess what? We felt a lot better after that good cry. I'm not convinced we'll be tear free tomorrow....or the next day, but I know we went to bed feeling a lot better than how we came home and for that, I am grateful.

In the meantime, here's to hoping that tomorrow we shed fewer tears and create more smiles!