A good cry

I love being a mom, but there are certain times in my life that I just don't like this gig - and those times are when you see your baby in emotional turmoil. So much has happened since my last blog (but that's another blog for another day). I decided to blog today because it was Sydney's first day of first grade....and I couldn't help, but notice that my last blog was written about her kindergarten graduation. Soooo much has happened - hopefully, I can recap the summer soon, but for now let's discuss why I'm not loving the "mom" job right now. This morning I dropped Sydney off at school. We've been discussing it all summer, she got the teacher she wanted, she's got a few friends in her class, it's the exact same classroom as last year because kindergarten and first grade swapped, she didn't cry at all last year so - it would stand to reason - that this year's first day drop off should go off without a hitch. not.so.much.

We met our friend, Ryan, for doughnuts - we were all smiles. We drove to school - giggling with Harper in the back. We walked in - things got quiet. I knelt down to hug her - insert water works. After trying to calm her down, taking her to the teacher, walking her into her room and finally determining I was going to lose it myself any minute, I left her with her head buried in her arms on her desk and sobbing. I teared up a time or two throughout the morning. I distracted myself with a play date. I missed my dentist appt. I watched "Say Yes To The Dress" (p.s. don't do that when you are all choked up about your daughters growing up and how they'll be getting married before you know it....) I had a couple of phone calls telling me that she was fine. By 1:30 I was feeling much better, but still anxious to go pick her up and see, for myself, how the day went. I could tell when I picked her up that she wasn't her normal self. She talked to daddy, Gigi and Minky on the phone, telling them all that she had a great day - but I had a feeling that she still wasn't being truthful. About 5:30 she completely lost it. She cried, she sobbed, she hugged me.....and she begged me not to make her go tomorrow. I asked multiple times what was wrong, how I could help - she just kept saying "I don't want to go back". So I switched gears "Syd, I can't help you if you can't tell me what's wrong. You cannot stay home from school forever. There's nothing I can do about it". Then....I got this Face book message from a dear friend that told me that Sydney's feelings were important and should be validated. I.felt.terrible -so I got up from my computer, I sat on the couch and I cried with my first grader. I told her that it was ok to cry, that it was ok to be scared and that sometimes I'm scared too....and I just want to cry - so for the next little bit we were just going to cry -and we did.....and guess what? We felt a lot better after that good cry. I'm not convinced we'll be tear free tomorrow....or the next day, but I know we went to bed feeling a lot better than how we came home and for that, I am grateful.

In the meantime, here's to hoping that tomorrow we shed fewer tears and create more smiles!

I am ready as I can be

Dearest Sydney:

I promise you I am tearing up as I write this. When your first born graduates from kindergarten you will understand. Two days ago we attended your "kindergarten celebration". The theme was all about how you and your friends are growing up, you are learning and full of potential. You see, I've known this for sometime, but it's very eye opening to see 100 of you and your friends put on an entire hour long program about it. There are two songs that you sang that stick out in my mind. The first one is called "I Am A Promise". Some of the lyrics are:

"I am a promise, I am a possibility, I am a promise with a capital P, I am a great big ball of potentiality. And, I am learning to hear God's voice and I am trying to make the right choice, I am a promise to be anything God wants me to be."

That sums up my prayer for you Sydney - to be a promise to hear God's word and do your best. You truly are a blessing in our lives as are your brother and sister and I am so proud to be your mommy. Here is my promise to you - to let you fly, to allow you to find your potential and be who God wants you to be.

The other song was called "I Am Ready" - I envision standing at your high school graduation 12 years from now and reliving the lyrics to this song which go like this:

"The future's looking good to me, I am ready to go, ready as I can be. The future's looking good to me, I am ready to go, ready as I can be......." Right now you and 100 other kindergartners were all trying to convince your mommies and daddies that you were ready to go.....to first grade. We're right there with you - of course, you are ready to go to first grade, you are prepared, you've learned to read and write - first grade here we come!! Twelve years from now I think I'm going to need more than a song to convince me that you are ready to leave for college - but the good news is I have 12 years to prepare for that.....and I'm going to need every.last.second.

The future is, indeed, looking good to me too!

I'm starting a new blog

OK - I haven't made it Facebook public yet, but I am going to train for the 2011 Arkansas State Figure Competition. I did it 4 years ago and placed in the top 3. I've aged 4 years and had 2 children since then so I don't know how I'll do, but I'm definitely going to go for it.

Visit my blog at www.courtney-itfigures.blogspot.com to read about my journey.

Road Tripping with the fam

I LOVE a good road trip. I love the adventure, the laughs, the music and the memories. When the words "road trip" come to mind I imagine a group of girl friends, convertibles, loud music, fast food, hysterical laughter and non-stop fun. Over spring break I took a road trip. It was a little different than I typically imagine. There were definitely girls who are friends (daughters, a mom and a niece), there was a rocking SUV where the convertible should be, there was Kids Bop 17 where "Sweet Home Alabama" should have been, there was definitely lots of laughter, there was a lot of fun, a little discipline and a tiny bit of adventure (and it's name was the turnpike to hell) and there was apple juice where........well you might guess what should go there.

The fun started when I realized the mini van would be in the shop during our trip. This meant that the kids and I would not be able to make the trip to Rsvl on Friday or Saturday. This, in turn, meant that mom and Meghan, my niece, would be traveling to NWA on Friday night so that we could leave early Saturday morning for our super fun road trip......taking a path that we had not yet traveled (insert adventure music here) or a quote from Robert Frost "Two roads diverged in a yellow path and I, I took the one less traveled, and that has made all the difference in the world." - ok that's a bit dramatic, but I digress.

Mom was the captain of this journey which meant she was to drive....and only drive (she makes me very nervous behind the wheel - just so you know).

I was the first officer and in charge of changing music, opening drinks (usually water with the occasional diet coke....we're not that adventurous), passing snacks to the 3rd row passengers, retrieving fallen baggage, books and pillows, feeding the only (and cutest) 2nd row passenger, watching the GPS and all in all helping make decisions like where to eat (P.S. McDonalds is the ONLY choice within an hour and a half on the turnpike to Muskogee - beggars can't be choosers).

The second row of our ship was inhabited by a very cute, smiley, sleepy and happy baby.

The 3rd row.....those girls were nuts! Three girls ages 8, 6 and 2 1/2 had our voyage a rocking and a rolling from Taylor Swift to Kingdom Kidz to Kids Bop 17 we had non-stop song, giggles, all out laughter and some serious silly behavior.

The road trip was though pretty uneventful. We did get trapped on a turnpike in which our only nutrition was 2 boxes of girl scout cookies.

We've never been so excited to see a McDonald's

Sydney got stung by a bee too which was no fun at all and little man got a little tired of sleeping in the floor. But all in all it was so much fun.

There were 2 trips to a local park.

Exploring my grandparents' property for the girls.

Bunking 3 to a full sized bed.

Good food

And spending time with my grandparents' and my mom.

It's not very often that mom and I get several hours to chat about anything and everything and though I loved seeing Grandma and Mimi, it was the time with my mom that I think was most special. Seeing my elderly grandparents made me realize how important it is to cherish every single second with your own parents. I hope one day my girls feel about me the way I feel about my mom. She's a great advisor, confidante and friend. Not the best driver and a little flighty, but an amazing friend with a ton of laughs up her sleeve. I had fun with you mom! Let's do it again next year!!! :)

Deja Vu

Mine and Aaron's dating relationship did not start out very smooth. The very first time he called me he knocked me off the internet (it was 13 years ago....we ALL had dial up) when I was trying to study for a test. Apparently, I wasn't very nice to him - I can be that way sometimes. He asked me out to dinner, but I had a very full calendar. I was cheering for ATU and we were about to start 2 a days to get ready for camp so that week was out. The next week I was at camp. We decided he would call me when I returned from camp. I forgot that I had agreed to housesit for some friends of mine. The day we returned from camp he called to set up our date. I had fallen asleep and evidently, though not by my own recollection, it was a bizarre phone call....but I digress. We had a lovely dinner at a German restaurant in Altus. On the way home his truck broke down. We walked 3 miles back to the rest area to call someone to come and get us. He.was.mortified. As he was telling his friend from work about it his friend replied, "that's a story you'll tell your grandkids" - little did he know he was predicting the future.

Tonight Aaron took Sydney on her first date. It was the Daddy Daughter dance at Sydney's school. We got out the door and realized that Aaron's truck was leaking anti-freeze. They had to walk to the dance.....it was like our first date - 13 years later......

Writing Contest Material

I said you guys could hold me accountable so here it is: This is the short story I recently entered in the writing contest. Perhaps I'll win $600 or perhaps I won't win a thing, but I put myself out there and did something I never thought I would. It's the story of the weekend my father in law passed away.

The Rock

by Courtney Pierce Arrant

We had dreaded this time for several years. We had hoped the medication would work, that we would get him back, the husband, father, father in law and P-Paw we had known before the disease hit five years earlier. He fought it hard. The chemo was exhausting, the radiation left scars internal and external. The depression, however, was the worst to watch. After he was diagnosed, we were told he would make it two years. He more than doubled that. Thank you Lord for 3 additional years. Emotionally he began to fail before the final physical failure came. He stayed depressed, desperately wanting to see his grandchildren grow up and wondering why this was happening to him. There were fervent prayers to end his depression so he could really enjoy his final months on this earth. The call came on Memorial Day weekend 2010. He was in organ failure. The end was near. We went in separate cars. When I got there he had a moment of lucidity. He held my hand asking what I was doing there. I wasn’t supposed to come that weekend. I told him I had a change of heart. I hugged him. I looked into those pale blue eyes and the end was evident. As quick as it came, it was gone again. He began to speak in riddles, asking about airing up tires. We all gave each other knowing looks. It was close.

She was strong, solid as an oak while she watched her husband of almost 40 years become ashen, confused, weak. But it would only be a matter of time before, surely, she would begin to crumble. His sons knew, but couldn’t say the words. I, the daughter in law, would hold them together. It had been my prayer for the last several months: “let me be the rock they need.” I convinced the family of the need for help outside of what we could do. Hospice was called in. My husband and his mother took turns sleeping on the couch so they could be there when he needed them. Friends stayed over so the rest of us could get some rest. Funeral arrangements commenced. We watched him leave us a little more with each passing hour. We heard the heavy breathing early in the evening on Sunday night. The rattle. I will never forget that sound. “Lord, let me be the rock they so desperately need....” We got out of bed and went to his bedside. The color was changing on his feet and legs. Suddenly, it was real. This was my chance.......”Lord, let me be the rock they need....” Friends and family gathered around his bedside. She was amazing. She told him he had been a wonderful husband. She told him she would be ok. She told him to go on. She told him, unselfishly, that she would miss him terribly, but that she understood he was tired of the fight. I marveled at her composure. I was touched by the way she ever so gently, stroked his head while she spoke to him. She didn’t hear the rattle. She didn’t see the difficulty he had breathing. I know she was looking at the husband she had known before the disease ravaged his body. I know she saw her groom 40 years earlier. It was beautiful. On the other side of the bed stood his eldest, my husband, sobbing the deepest sobs I have ever heard and pleading with his father to just.hold.on. It broke my heart. First I wanted to shake my husband and say “look at him! He cannot hold on anymore.” Then I wanted to hold my husband. I wanted, desperately, to have the right words to say. I wanted to erase the pain. I wanted to be steady, sure......a rock. It was more than I could handle. Shaking like a leaf with sobs racking my body I had to leave the room. “Lord, please let me be the rock they need.” I dissolved on to the couch, begging my Lord to help me hold it together and comfort my family. They needed me. I was supposed to be the rock, I never doubted that I could be the rock. I had always assumed, when I thought of this day, that I would be the pillar of strength. I could still hear the sobs of my husband from the other room. Where was my strength? I was a mess. Suddenly, I felt arms around me. I felt the strong arms of my beloved husband, who had left the bedside of his dying father to comfort me telling me it was ok. I apologized over and over. I told him I wanted to be in there for him, but I just couldn’t watch it any more. Tears soaked our shirts as we held each other and cried. Friends came in the room and told us that now was the time to say our goodbyes. He squeezed my hand. Unable to speak, I shook my head. I couldn’t do it. I begged God for forgiveness for failing at my mission to be the their steadiness in a time of shaky ground. I wanted, more than anything, to walk to my dying father in law’s bedside, hand in hand with my husband and tell him that we loved him, that we would miss him, but that we would be fine. I wanted to be there while my husband said his goodbyes. It was impossible. I could not go back in that room.

If I could have done it, if I could have pulled myself together, stopped the tears and managed to speak, I would have told my father in law about something he had done 10 years earlier that meant the world to me. I can picture it as though it happened yesterday. It was September, Labor Day weekend 1999. His son had, three months earlier, put a ring on my finger and asked me to spend the rest of my life with him. I enthusiastically agreed. It was a hot and sticky Sunday afternoon. I stepped out the back door of my in-laws house and saw my father in law walking arm in arm with his mother through their yard. He pointed at me and said to his mother “there’s my daughter.” He was beaming. He appeared truly excited that I would, in 8 short months, be a part of their family. If I could have suddenly become the rock I so desperately wanted to be, I would have held his hand and told him that that comment meant the world to me. I would have thanked him for making me feel like a part of the family from the beginning. I would have promised him, again, to be a godly example for his grandchildren. I would have reiterated my love for his eldest son. I would have remembered to tell him that his wife would be well taken care of, that this family meant everything to his son. I would have thanked him for raising one of the most amazing men I have ever known. If only I could have been the rock......

This experience was a difficult one. It was hard to live through and it’s been hard to remember the details without falling apart once again. It taught me about loving and letting go. It taught me that sometimes God provides steadiness and sure-footedness to us. Sometimes he allows us to be the pillar of strength and sometimes he allows a pillar to walk in the room just in time for us to lean on it. Watching my father in law leave this earthly world was not the time for me to be the rock I wanted to be. The days to follow was where I was needed most, it would later appear. The thank you notes, phone calls, final arrangements, these were where my “solid as an oak” mother in law needed a pillar to lean on. My husband has yet to need me be his rock. I have yet to see him fall apart where I wasn’t falling apart right there with him. I know, however, beyond a shadow of a doubt that if that time comes he will come to me. He will allow me to wrap my arms around him, to stroke his head, to tell him that it’s ok to feel this way. He will allow me to be his rock, when his own pillar finally begins to crumble. The relationship between my husband and his father is one that I pray to see again one day between my husband and his own children. My father in law was my husband’s best friend, there were times where he was his teacher, his disciplinarian, hunting buddy, confidante and more. These are all roles I hope my husband assumes with our 2 daughters and our son. My prayer remains that my father in law’s memory stays alive through stories told, memories shared and prayers spoken.

A Recipe for Pushing Mommy's Buttons by Harper Kay Arrant

Harper,

You are a gem. You make me giggle and laugh multiple times a day. You are sweet and cuddly with a shot of feisty and mean. For these reasons (and a few others) I hope one day you have a daughter exactly.like.you. The following is a list of things that I hope your kid does to you one day. And when you tell me these things, full of exasperation, you will please excuse the smirks, giggles and all out laughter.

Mommy's Top 15 List of Reasons I Hope Your Daughter is Identical To You

15) Has a sense of adventure and a love of acrobatics (but no training) that repeatedly forces you to swallow your heart back down after a near miss with the corner of the coffee table - 20 times a day

14) Refuses to work on potty training - unless you are at Wal-Mart in the check out line with $200 worth of groceries and an infant in your basket

13) Locks you out of every room in the house multiple times a day

12) Tells you, no less than twice a week, that she is poopy.....37 seconds after being buckled into the car seat

11) finds stray hairs wrapped around her pacifier and forces you to remove them (this will only mean anything to you if you share my same "hair in mouth" phobia)

10) repeatedly takes her shoes off in the car. after.every.stop

9) tells you she hungry for 40 minutes solid without ever taking a breath

8) refuses to tell you what she wants to eat after said 40 minutes

7) decides on a sandwich

6) only to change her mind after the bread is out and covered in peanut butter

5) cries and tells you to "go away" when you make her eat it anyway

4) reveals, once again, a surprise in her pants only after you call the family to dinner

3) has a lovey that she can never ever find yet NEEDS it every second of every minute that it is missing

2) has an addiction to milk that costs $7/gallon

And the number 1 reason I hope you have a daughter just like you is:

This phrase "Mommy, I wove you so much!"

You are a keeper, Harper Kay - through all the trying times, there is nothing in this world like a good laugh from you!

It's Against My Resolution.....

I wish I was 6. The older you get, the more things become a "chore" and I'm tired of feeling that way. Every day Sydney is excited about something. I love that about her. She anticipates EVERYthing. She anticipated Christmas for months (I did too....I LOVE Christmas - see earlier blog post), then she anticipated her birthday - I got so tired of the question "How many days til my birthday" (and doing the math) that on one of our many snow days we made a paper chain with pink links counting down the days until her actual birthday and purple links counting down the days until her party (which happened to be 12 days after her actual birthday). Every night we tore a link off, every night we counted how many links were left. Her party hadn't even started yet when she heard me talking about our trip to TX that was going to take place the week after her party and she started anticipating that. I have found myself saying multiple times "can we just get through....... before we start getting excited about the next thing?" I find myself stressed out about birthdays, parties, presents, what craft we are going to do..... Then I find myself stressing out about packing me plus 3 little people for a 5 day trip to TX, but before we leave I have a whole week to get through. I have Pampered Chef parties, post office trips, bank trips, dinners to make, meetings and to do list after to do list after to do list.

So......I have a March resolution.....I want to be excited through the eyes of my 6 year old! Instead of stressing about my upcoming Pampered Chef party I want to be excited about the great food I'm going to cook for these ladies that probably all need a girls night out. I'm going to be excited about all the free product my host is going to earn and mostly, I'm going to be EXCITED about my commission check that will come a few days after the show! Instead of stressing out about dinner, I'm going to make it fun - don't have time? How 'bout PB & J's - it's what's for dinner!!! Instead of stressing about packing, I'm starting today - why not??? Instead of stressing about road tripping with 4 little people and 2 adults I'm gonna make a play list of rocking songs to get us all in the road trip mood. I'm going to be excited about taking my children to spend a little time with their almost 90 year old great grandmother and seeing lots of other family.

I hereby refuse to stress out this week about anything - it's against my resolution!

Well - here goes....I'm changing my life

I'm really going to put myself out there with this post because if there's one thing in life I've learned, it's that accountability is everything.

My family recently got involved in martial arts. I am doing Muay Thai kickboxing, Sydney is in a Lil Dragons karate class and Aaron is going to start Brazilian Jhu Jitsu in May. We LOVE it. There's a different mindset in the martial arts world - it's not just about a workout, it's a lifestyle. These people are serious and it has been very enlightening to be around them.

At Inferno MMA (which is where we attend classes), March is "Change Your Life" month. It's about picking something, anything, that you want to do and making it happen. Our instructor gave us this speech last week about not listening to that voice in your head, making lists and making your goals happen.

Honesty Check:

I wasn't into it. I had about 3 little voices telling me that I didn't have time to change anything, I was a wife and mommy with a work from home business and those 3 things alone took a lot of my time. I listened politely - but, secretly, I wasn't going to do any of it.

Honesty Check #2:

Sadly, I realized that I didn't know what my goals were. I didn't have goals.....what kind of person, at the age of 34, doesn't have goals????? I mean sure, I want my kids to sleep through the night, I want them to be happy and healthy, I want a fabulous marriage, but I, me, myself.... I didn't have any goals for just me.....

Honesty Check #3:

That made me sad. I felt like I had been so busy being a wife and a mom that I had lost sight of what I wanted to do......

So - I begrudgingly decided I would visit, just briefly, this "change your life" thing. I would take about 5 minutes to go back in time and decide what I was missing - what did my aspirations used to be? If I discovered something, great - if not then I was right to keep going to kickboxing to get my fitness on and that would be that.....

I asked myself one question:

What's the last thing I can remember really wanting to be? (not do, but "be")

The answer came in about 30 seconds.

Honesty Check #4

When I was in college I wanted to be a writer. I majored in English. I had a really crappy Comp 1 teacher, got a C in the class and changed my major to P.E. to become a personal trainer. It was an easy out. I already was a personal trainer/aerobics instructor and I knew I could do it.

You might be reading this blog and thinking "no way will she make it as a writer". I might not, but I owe it to myself to try. I went online yesterday to see how I could learn to be a better writer. Here is my pledge:

1) I will read more - I will spend no less than 30 minutes a day in some sort of publication

2) I will write more - I will make an entry in my blog at least twice a week

3) I will continue to research online "how to be a writer" (that sounds ridiculous, but there's actually a lot of stuff out there)

4) And one of these days I will take the advice of a friend of mine and send some of my stuff to the local newspaper to see what happens - I'm not ready for rejection yet.

There you have it - This is the way in which I will attempt to change my life. You can hold me accountable. You can ask me how it's going. But do not tell me that I'll never make it. Not yet - As I said, I'm not ready for rejection.....

This was going to be a serious post.......

But I changed my mind. I have some truly funny kid stories that I must discuss. If you have read very much of my blog you know that my kids are my world -and there is no better humor than kid humor. Today was Sydney's birthday. Sydney has been talking about her 6th birthday for 364 days, but the talk increased ten-fold a couple of months ago. It increased so much and she asked me so often "how many more day til my birthday" that when we were "Snowed in and stressed out" I helped her make a Birthday Chain. We did pink links for the number of days until her actual birthday and then purple links for the number of days until her party. It took a good hour out of snow day number 8 and served it's purpose well. Whenever she asked me how many days I made her go count her links. Last night we went out to dinner to celebrate her birthday. Before we went out to dinner I allowed Syd to open a quick present. It was a new outfit to wear to school - I let her open it early so I could wash it. Harper saw Syd's new outfit and said "where's mine?" "Well Harper it's sissy's birthday, you don't need a new shirt." Harper was excited about going out to eat too, but was a little disappointed when Sydney got to have the whole entire gynormous Chocolate Mess right in front of her complete with a candle and the birthday song. She quickly asked "when is it my birfday?" "July 16th sweetie...a few more months". We put everyone to bed, we all slept great (except when the earthquake woke us up) and they woke up to 2 birthday presents at Sydney's spot at the breakfast table. Harper oohed and ahhed appropriately and then said "do I det a birfday pwesent?" "well honey it's not your birthday. Your birthday is July 16th" After taking Sydney to school we came home to play. Harper said "wanna tolor" (color). "Sure". She picked out a Hello Kitty coloring book to which I said, "ooohhh this is Syd's favorite. We should color her a birthday picture." Harper was appropriately supportive of this idea, but asked in the middle of our coloring, ever so nonchalantly, "when is my birfday again?" "It's in July. It's a few months away." After some errand running I put Harper down for her nap. I told her it was very important to go to sleep quickly so we could get up and go have cupcakes at Sydney's school for Syd's birthday!" to which she replied "yay yay yay tuptates....for my birfday?" "not quite princess. A few more months." While in my bedroom wrapping up a few Pampered Chef details I heard Harper over the monitor singing herself to sleep. Her song went a little something like this "Happy Birfday to me......Happy Birfday to me......I don't know what July is..... Happy Birfday to me." Sadly, for Harper, the celebration is not over. We still have 2 separate parties on March 12th....she'll really be playing the "poor pitiful me" card by the 13th.

So while at school having chocolate cupcakes with the class (and let me just take this time to give a shout out to the teachers - you are all truly amazing!) The conversation at Table 1 went something like this :

Camden: "hey have you seen that movie Diarrhea of a Wimpy Kid?"

Me: "no"

Abbe: "Hey I had diarrhea once"

Camden: "Yeah me too. Why would they make a whole movie about a kid with diarrhea?"

Abbe: "I don't know, but when I had diarrhea it was so really bad and it smelled so gross!"

Me: trying desperately to stifle a gag

These 5 year olds were completely unaffected by the fact that they were discussing their own bowel movements with one another over a chocolate dessert.... vo....mit

Tonight trying to get through the killer hour by myself again with Harper skating on thin ice:

Me: "Harper why do I have to yell at you to make you do what I ask? Why don't you do what I ask the first time? Do you want me to spank you?"

Harper: with the cutest grin you have ever seen "I don't know mommy, but did I tell you that I hurt my finger, my pants are wet because I peed and that 8 is my favorite number?" Why do I think I sound like Charlie Brown's teacher to her???????

This is what it's about

This is not my first post about pride. I discussed pride early in the fall when I saw a picture of my husband and his brother, Wes, after Wes had killed a deer.

This post is about the pride I feel for my children. Did you ever see that look of pride on your parents' faces and kind of think they were crazy? I am that mom. Sydney thinks I'm a complete nut. I cry at everything all the time.... especially when it comes to my babies growing up. It's bittersweet. I love that my babies are getting so big...and I hate it at the same time. But this is what parenting is about: It's about tough times that you think you'll never see the end of and about the times that you just want to relive over and over...and over again. Here are some things that I am proud of as I sit here tonight:

Remington, your current new trick is that you are trying desperately to roll over. It will be the last time I see one of my babies roll over for the first time. You, also, have recently started really smiling at me. That kind of smile that says "Hey - I know you. You're my mommy and I feel safe with you." It.is.precious.

I love the "firsts" of life. I can't wait to see the look of pride on your own face when you do something that you know you should be proud of.

Harper.....sweet, sweet Harper. You are the class clown, forever doing things that I should get on to you for (passing gas at the dinner table), but you are hilarious and, if you can do such things with grace and a touch of humor, you definitely accomplish it. One minute you are trying to get away with something you know is not right, and the next minute you are busting into the bathroom while yelling "MOMMYYYYY....I jus wuv you SO SO much and I need a hug from you NOW!!" You can make me laugh and cry within moments of each other. (Sidenote: I am not proud of you for passing gas at the dinner table - I am proud of your spirit, your wild and crazy, funny spirit).

Sydney.....Just when I think my "Sydney pride-o-meter" has reached it's top level, you go and do something that makes it find a new top. One of my favorite things about you is that I believe you are a very well rounded individual. You are smart, funny and talented in many ways.

1) Talented musically: Today you came home with a CD of a song you are learning for the end of the year program. There was a note that said, "Sydney - verse 2". You have a solo - your 3rd in your short 6 years of life. The lyrics are about being beautiful on the inside. It's 3 lines. I could not get through the first without tearing up. It is a very fitting song. You are beyond beautiful on the inside. You have a spirit of love, kindness and peace that is truly inspiring. Those 3 lines will be beautifully sung by you because you illustrate them so well. I cannot wait to hear you sing it at your program - all I can say is that the Kleenex industry will be very, very lucky that day.

2) Intelligent and Talented in your ability to write: Today you received the "Principal's Pick" award for a writing assignment you had completed a few weeks ago. I saw that assignment. I am amazed at how well you write. I hope you love it like I do. Your name was called out over the intercom for the first time all year. I can picture you walking down to the office to pick up your special pencil, head held high and knowing that you were being recognized for something you had written so beautifully. Oh to be a fly on the wall.....

3) Talented Physically and extremely well-mannered: Tonight you had karate and I marveled at your maturity. I watched you listen to your teacher, say "yes ma'am" and do what was asked of you the first time. You were quiet and treated your teacher with respect. Plus, your front kick was, by far, the best in the class...you even beat out the boys (totally in my opinion, but that counts, right?) You are becoming this amazing young lady with goals, dreams and opinions. I'm proud of you Sydney Reese. I love you and I'm proud of you. Keep it up.

I can't imagine being more proud of any of my children, but I bet in the years to come my "Pride-O-Meter" continues to soar to new heights.

These kids, the laughter, the spark they have, the firsts.....the pride - This....is what it's all about.

Love you

A piece of this amazing life

I have the most amazing life. I really do. Sure, I have my ups and downs, but all in all....things are great. Right now, I can think of a million things to be depressed about. So many people going through so many tough times. In fact, today on my way home from my mom's house I was having some pretty yucky thoughts. I was thinking of all the people I know who are struggling in one way or another. I thought everyone was asleep. I was deep in thought, near tears when I caught the eye of Sydney in my rear view mirror. There was a song on with a great beat. She started a head bob.... bounce, bounce, bounce. I reciprocated....bounce, bounce, bounce. She flashed the sign language sign for "I love you" as she added a shoulder roll to her head bob.... bounce, bounce, roll, roll, roll. I reciprocated....bounce, bounce, roll, roll, roll. Then came the hair swing and imaginary mike with the occasional "raise the roof" hand gesture. I reciprocated with the exact same hip and stellar dance moves. We had to remain super quiet as to not awake the rest of the car, but we silently giggled, winked at each other and had our own quiet dance party while passing motorists tried to get out of the crazy dancing lady's way.....and at the end of our dance party (right about the time I decided I was going to need an ice pack later) I thought - in all the drama, trauma and craziness, I love this little piece of my amazing life.

Sydney, this post is dedicated to you....my most amazing back seat dance partner.

Lord, when the negative tries to take over...help me get my dance on - because it always seems to make everything better.

Thirty Four

I feel like I should post something on this, the eve of my 34th birthday. Several years ago when I was in college I had my life planned out - I was supposed to be married, have children, own a personal training studio, vacation to the beach every year, stay at 120lbs. and 15% body fat no matter what and have already been to Europe. I'm married. I have children. I've worked at a personal training studio or two. I went to the beach once. I have weighed 120lbs. at 15 % body fat at least once in my life.

I did a little reflecting tonight, a little inventory of where I am as opposed to where I thought I would be. The truth is there are a lot of things I have not accomplished that I probably never will. There are a lot of things I have not accomplished that I still might. The question is this: Does my life excite me? Am I happy? Would I trade this, what I have, for anything. This should be easy answers, right? Yes, Yes and No...... But it's not always so easy.

Question #1: "Does my life excite me?" I don't think this requires some huge explanation. The answer is no. I'm a mommy. I do mommy things. I clean house, I do laundry, I play school, I read children's books, I change diapers, I sing the itsy bitsy spider, I nurse my baby, I referee arguments, I cook meals, I fetch pacifiers, I locate loveys, I help with homework, I transport to school, karate and storytime at the library, I go to the grocery store, I kiss away owies, I take kids to the doctor, I tuck them in at night. I'm a mom - Day to day it's not exciting. The big picture, however, is thrilling. And there are a few very exciting singular events along the way:

Potty training (we had a HUGE success today)

First steps

First words

The first time they smile at you, I mean really smile...at you....because they know you are the mommy

All the firsts.....now that is pretty exciting.

Question #2: "Am I happy?" This should be an easy answer. Of course I'm happy. My kids keep me laughing, my husband is the greatest, I stay home and I mommy.....but I would be lying if I said that there are days when I wonder "what if......" Most of the time it's because I felt like the day was an epic failure, but somedays I can have a pretty good day and think "what if I was that 120lb. girl who owned a personal training studio, had no strings and could travel at the drop of a hat.....what if......"

Well....what if - the answer is this: 3 great masterpieces, works of God's art, would not be in my life, that's what.

Question #3: "Would I trade it?" Not for all the riches in the world. What I have found out in 33 years is that in any life there are ups and downs, highs and lows, riches and rags. No matter what life brings me, based on the day, I'm going to do one of two things:

1) Embrace it and give thanks for it, no matter what or

2) Complain about it, say I don't deserve it and ask why.

What is my hope for my next year? That I have more embracing and less complaining; that every day I see those 3 insanely gorgeous faces I think to myself "how can I make sure they know they are God's gift to me?" ; that I don't just see the silver lining and the rainbow, but that I also look for the pot of gold; that I see God in every moment of every second of every minute of every day and that I point him out to my babies every.single.time.

I'm a realist with big dreams and high hopes. I know, beyond a shadow of a doubt, that I will continue to have days that are failures, but what I hope is that with each passing year I garner just a tad more wisdom and a smidgeon more acceptance of me.

Lord, thank you for another year and all the wonderful blessings of this year. Thank you for loving me through my failures and helping me see the excitement of my life. Help me to emulate You as a parent. Help me to love those babies through their faults and weaknesses and celebrate with them their strengths. Help me foster in them hope, dreams, love and acceptance of themselves. We are, after all, made in Your image. Help me know it, live it and teach it to my children. Help me to see them as the works of art that they are, precious works of art created by Your loving hand, especially for me.

Amen.

What a difference a day makes

How beautiful is this????? This was our amazing sunrise this morning. I see the sun come up every morning because my children wake up at the crack of dawn. This was an especially beautiful sunrise and I thought you all should see it. You know how 2 days ago I was at the end of my rope - this incredible sunrise gave me a warm fuzzy - it was kind of like the answer:

Hey Courtney, it's God....yes I'm here, yes I will lengthen your rope and yes you are forgiven for snapping at your children. Now go hug those kids and teach them about Me, My love and My salvation.

Enjoy!

Never underestimate the power of human contact

So....my last several posts have been about snow. If you are sick of snow talk hit "next blog" now. Obviously, you all know that I am beyond OVER the snow. I'm over snow, snow activities, snow days, snow day activities and the color white, in general. In the past when we have been snowed in, my husband has been home and so there's the thought that we could get out when we had too. There were a couple of different aspects to this snowfall.

1) It was our 3rd this winter

2) Twenty four inches fell in about 8 hours time

3) Aaron was out of town

4) I discovered we do not own a snow shovel.

The snow hit late Tuesday night. Wednesday morning was spent staring out the window in disbelief at the record snow fall. By Thursday the excitement of snow days was over for everyone involved. Thursday afternoon I realized that I.was.trapped. The snow was so deep my garage door would not open, there was a drift in front of my front door that stood close to 3 feet tall. I began to hyperventilate. The kids conversations turned to shrill screaming, arguing over everything, tattling. The walls were closing in. I broke out in a cold sweat. How long would it take for all this snow to melt? Sure, it was supposed to be in the 40s by Saturday, but we're talking 2 feet of snow! (In hindsight, I realize I might have been over reacting a wee bit, but in the moment it seemed like a very real fear). I knew the snow would be having a serious melt down soon and I also knew the Arrant family would be too.

Friday morning I got word that my parents were coming to help me deal with my children and help me dig out of my driveway. I literally teared up when I got the text. I had no idea how important adult conversation is to me and how desperate I was for adult contact. My kids are my world, but let's face it - we mommies need other mommies....and sometimes we need our own mommy.

My parents arrived. My dad and I shoveled my driveway together. My mom and I stayed up and chatted and watched T.V. We didn't have deep meaningful conversations where we solved all the worlds problems, but we were together. It was nice. Hopefully, tomorrow we can get out. We need to make a trip to Wal-Mart and we have a family birthday party to attend. I will appreciate the sunshine tomorrow. I will make eye contact and smile at other people I come in contact with. I will appreciate adult conversation and I think I'll be a better mommy.

Dear Lord:

The snowfall was beyond beautiful. From a certain angle it looked like my yard was covered in diamonds because of the incredible rays of sun shining down on it. Thank you for the ability to see the beauty of it. Forgive me for taking for granted my precious children and snapping at them when I'm at the end of my rope. Lord, I ask you to lengthen my rope on those days. Most of all, Lord, thank you for my mom and dad, who sensed my panic and came to my rescue. I pray that Aaron and I are that same kind of mom and dad today, tomorrow and 30 years from now.

Amen

Snowed In....Stressed Out

Where do I begin? Do I talk about our first snow storm - the one that brought 2 inches of snow and 2 snow days or maybe I should discuss the second bout of snow that brought around 1/2 inch of ice followed by 4 inches of snow and further brought 4 snow days....No, I'll cut to the chase and discuss Snowstorm #3 which brought 24 inches of snow and drifts close to 4 feet tall in my back yard. Here's the positive part of snowmagedon '11

1) I witnessed record breaking snow

2) It was so deep that we couldn't play in it so it has stayed BEAUTIFUL in my yard

3) It's supposed to be gone and in the 60's by next week

4).....I got nothing else

So I've heard talk of cabin fever. I've even thought that I had cabin fever before...until now. I am going crazy. Aaron is out of town. He is in sunny California for 2 weeks (insert ugly comments full of jealousy here). I am out of snow day activities. Had I known we were going to have TEN snow days this year, I wouldn't have made the first 6 so darn special. Now my kids want every snow day to be extra special full of 943 activities, chocolate chip pancakes, brownies, cookies, popcorn and movie, snow ice cream, painting, building forts, playing chase, etc. etc. etc. The past two snow days I have totally flaked as "cool snow day mommy". I.Am.Done. I'm done with snow, I'm done being forced to come up with 943 snow day activities. As we speak, I cannot leave my house - literally....the Grand Caravan does not drive over 3 foot snow drifts at the end of my driveway created by the snow plows. I am claustrophobic, I didn't hit the store because, get this, the weathermen called for 3-4inches (a far cry from the 24" we received), I'm almost out of diapers, I have had no adult face to face contact in 3 days (I like my peeps....I like to SEE them). My mom was supposed to come be an extra set of hands this weekend and she can't get here. My children have become delirious having constant conversations about poop, butts, underarm tooting and other disgusting things that ladies should not discuss.

In conclusion - If I do not get out of this house soon my children are going to find me in the fetal position hiding in the closet mumbling things that make no sense. My kids need to run, I need to have an adult conversation - I think we'll all get along a lot better once we are out of this house.

Are you there, God? It's me, Courtney.....and I need OUT! Peace and Love - Amen!

Snow Days!

I will never forget when I was growing up the excitement that the possibility of snow brought. We would watch the sky, wonder when it was coming, speculate on when we would find out the age old question.... would we or would't we have school the next day. Mom would be sure the alarm radio was set to KARV, the local station, so that she would know immediately when she woke up if she could let us sleep or if we needed to get up and start getting ready for school. Living in the South, snow days were few and far between so the excitement in the air was like static electricity! Ah the memories...... cocoa and toast for breakfast, sledding, getting pelted with snow balls by my brother - sweet, sweet memories from childhood.

Now, I'm the mommy. We will have our 5th snow day this winter tomorrow and probably our 6th the next day. I am trying my hardest to create sweet, sweet memories for my kids, but I am quickly running out of ideas!!!! We have painted, made tents, played charades, made homemade play dough, made salt dough creations, baked cookies, baked brownies, made hot chocolate, sat by the fireplace with all electronics off pretending our power went out, played outside, made snow ice cream, brought buckets of snow inside, made a miniature snowman in our living room, painted the snow outside, went sledding, played board games, played school.... and the list goes on and on. I pray that 20 years from now my kids are sitting in their living room, blogging about their perfect snow day memories from childhood and thinking about the next snow day memory they will create with their own children. At the end of these snow days I am mentally exhausted, but this is the part of parenthood I love......creating these amazing memories.....

Happy Snow Day 2011!!!

What is it about bread and milk?

There is a storm a brewing. It is January in Northwest Arkansas which means it's time for winter weather. There's a phrase around here - "if you don't like the weather, stick around a day or two and it will change". Two days ago it was 70 degrees and we played outside ALL DAY LONG. Tonight we are expecting ".25 to .5 inches of ice topped with 4-10 inches of snow with power outages likely, significant tree and limb damage likely and treacherous travel conditions" per Garrett Lewis, the local meteorologist.

In the south, the threat of a flurry causes mad chaos. Everyone gets prepared for the worst. I am no exception. I cannot drive in ice. I have tried twice.....I have wrecked twice..... I am grounded from driving in inclement weather per my husband. So I am more prepared than the average Joe. There are two propane tanks with the gas cooker and iron skillet ready to cook meals on. Major groceries have been purchased. Flashlights are in every room. We have extra batteries. The candles are lined up on the counter. I am currently deciding on multiple snow day activities...... we.are.ready.

This afternoon after school I took the kids to Chick Fil A to run off extra energy and have an outing before we're cooped up for a few days. While there, I overheard a woman on a cell phone having a discussion. It was clearly with her husband and it went something like this:

Woman: "I'm at Chick Fil A now across from Wal-Mart and if you saw this parking lot you would not ask me to go in there....."

My guess is that husband said something to the effect of "it's going to storm - we HAVE to go to the store......"

Woman: "You can go"

guessing the husband said "......what do we need....."

Woman: "well don't most people pick up bread and milk? I guess get that"

I find it hysterical that there is all this peer pressure to go to the store when it's going to storm. I find it very funny that milk and bread are ALWAYS the staples. Why does the brownie aisle not run out of brownies? How does the liquor store not run out of wine? You don't hear about the stores running out of lunch meat or peanut butter - what are we putting on this bread that we just have to have? I also find it hysterical that if this week had not been my major grocery shopping week, I would have gone to the store anyway....and I would have bought bread and milk, because I was raised in the south, there's the threat of a flurry and that's just what we do.

Happy Snow Storm!!!! Stay safe!

Could I leave my nets behind????

I love a good thought provoking sermon. I love those sermons that I'm still pondering over on Wednesday. The pastor at First Christian Church in Rogers is totally fabulous. He's a young guy with more energy than my 2 year old. He can flat preach a sermon. He bounces around, slaps the podium and gets a wee bit noisy. I love it! I recently learned that he was the mascot at TCU. That explains his bounciness (the Horn FROG).

He makes me think about my Christianity. His sermons make me realize I am not doing enough. Yes, I know that we all fall short of the glory of God, but most days I fall way short. As hard as it is to know that more and more every Sunday, it's also a blessing. As Dr. Phil says, "we can't fix what we don't acknowledge".

Today the sermon was on leaving our nets behind. There were 4 different scriptures highlighting followers that would do ANYTHING to follow Jesus. Some of them left dying relatives, some of them were willing to offer a burnt sacrifice with the sacrifice being their only son and others left their jobs, their financial security....their nets. He ended the sermon with "would we be able to leave it all behind to follow Jesus?"

If God said, "Courtney, leave everything behind - your house, your car, your stuff, your friends, your husband and your kids.....and follow me" Could I do it? If God said, "Courtney, I want you to take your son and kill him, in my name" Would I do it?

Would I? Forgive me, God, but no.....not yet, but I'm working on it. I'm working on trusting you enough to know that you've got me no matter what. I'm working on believing that if you said, "offer your child as a burnt sacrifice...." it would be for good reason. I want to have that trust, Lord. I want to be able to walk away from my nets if you called me.

Help me find that trust, that trust that lies so deep in faith......Trust that I never knew I didn't possess.....

Amen

Playing Baby Dolls.....it gives me hope

I love being a mom. I love, almost, every thing about it. Sometimes I think I'm not very good at it. I once told my husband (in a, ahem, "discussion" we were having) that I go to bed every night and wonder if I did "enough". Did I spend enough time with the kids? Did I do enough to create new business to help with the family income? How did I do as a wife? Did my kids end the day with a feeling of happiness and love in their hearts? That last one is what is really important to me.

Sydney has always "played baby dolls". She loves playing mommy. It's been very entertaining to watch how her play has changed over the last few years. When she was 2 or 3 her play was almost always "mommy and babies" now it has transformed to "teacher and students" I was able to watch an older video of her the other night and while many of her mannerisms are exactly the same she's changed so much in just a couple of years. In the last few months she has taught her baby sister how to play baby dolls. It's currently one of Harper's favorite things to do. You can count on hearing this request numerous times a day: "mommy wanna pay babies?"

Whenever I begin to doubt my performance as a mommy I watch my kids play babies. There is a lot of holding, rocking, kissing and hugging. Lots of "shhh, it's otay sweet baby" and "wan some milt?" (milk). There is the occasional "No banging on the door, no milt in da night, go to seep cazy baby!" (I'm not sure that I have ever called her crazy baby as a derogatory remark - it was in jest, I promise). But all in all, my kids show nothing but love and respect to their babies. It is my hope and prayer that they are learning this from their dad and me and that this is an illustration of how they will interact with their own children.

God, thank you for allowing me to be a mommy. Thank you for three of the most precious children on the planet that I call my own. Thank you for a most amazing husband - I would not want to go on this journey alone, that is for sure. Help me to continue to show my children the love and respect they deserve and when I think I haven't done "enough", help me to see it through their eyes. Thank you, Lord, for showing me how to "play babies" and for showing me that my children are listening, learning and soaking it all in. And help me always to remember that these precious lives are a gift from you and that my job is nothing more than to teach them your love, your message and your salvation.

Amen

A New Year.... A New Me.....Again!

I love New Years. I love the feeling of something fresh, a chance to start something new or begin again. I'm aware that most Resolutioners are back to their old ways by February, and yes, that includes me for the most part, but I love the idea of changing something to make yourself better or create a new habit. I have the same resolution every year: I want to pray more diligently, to read my Bible more often, to become more organized and to get in better shape. I'm aware that most of these things will have fallen by the wayside by February (except that I have no choice than to get in better shape or buy a whole new wardrobe in the next size up....not an option). Right now I start my day in deep prayer, followed by a workout and fit a few verses of the Bible in sometime during the day and have a whole organization plan. By the time February gets here I will probably fall into bed at night and pray to God in Thanksgiving as I fall asleep, I'll read the girls their Bible stories and call it good, I'll consider the game Hullabaloo my workout for the day if time did not permit otherwise, but isn't two months of something better than nothing. What can I gain by praying more diligently in 2 months? What can I gain by really reading the Bible on a daily basis in 2 months? How will 2 months of constant organization effect my life and my business? How many days do I add on to my life by really living an EXTREME healthy lifestyle for 2 months only to fall back on a pretty normal nutrition plan with the occasional splurge and the occasional missed workout? I think 2 months is better than nothing, don't you? I think you should set yourself up to succeed, but if you happen to fail then you look at the bright side. What did you gain while you failed? I hope that my children and I continue to be one of the resolutioners every year because I just don't think you can call your resolution a failure if you had minor successes along the way.
That's all for now - I've got a P90X yoga workout calling my name followed by some Bible reading.

Happy New Years!!!!

Time to Post again!

Wow! What a whirlwind couple of months we have had at the Arrant house. As you all know, we welcomed Baby Remington into this world on November 11th. He has been an amazing baby and at almost 8 weeks now, still really loves to sleep (most of the time).
Harper has truly risen to the challenge of becoming a big sister, is sleeping much better at night and has even started trying to potty train (only sometimes).
Sydney is as helpful, sweet and mature as always. She pitches in to help ALL the time (sometimes when I would rather just handle it, but she's definitely trying). She is a fantastic big sister and I continue to watch the bond between her and Harper grow stronger every day. Harper misses Sydney so much when Syd has gone to school and is constantly asking when she's going to be home. With Harper's tomboy ways she is becoming more and more of a daddy's girl every day. That girl loves her daddy and wants to be like him so much. It's completely precious.
So...the end of the year brought the holidays. Instead of sending Christmas cards, I blogged them. Instead of making a ton of candy, I made a small batch and handed it out to neighbors - everyone else got homemade jelly that I made this summer. I did my Christmas shopping really early, but continued to find things throughout December that the kids "needed"....so I accidentally went over budget...oh well :). We had an awesome Christmas and spent a TON of time in the car - lucky for us, my kids are awesome travelers.

On the 17th of December we made a trip to TX to visit my grandparents. This trip should have taken us 8hours....it took 10 1/2 - we.were.exhausted, but we had a wonderful visit with all my TX family and the two grandmothers got to feast their eyes on 4 of their great grandchildren (my niece accompanied us). The trip home went a lot faster.

The very next weekend was Christmas and it was WONDERFUL! Christmas is my favorite time of year. I love sharing the story of Christ's birth over and over with Sydney, who seems to really be taking it in more and more every year. I love candlelight Christmas Eve services and FCC Rogers did an amazing job as usual. I love the lights, I love that St. Nick really was a wonderful man who gave gifts to boys and girls who were in need. For some people they can't stand that this true story has blossomed into this crazy commercial aspect of Christmas. Yes, that part is tough to swallow sometimes, but I see a lot of good things come around Christmas. I see people get into the true spirit of giving and love - yes, there are those who take advantage of giving people and those who have a rough time with Christmas and get angry and make it tough for others, but all in all, I think there are enough good spirits out there for the rest of us to really feel the spirit of Christmas.

Christmas Eve held our usual family traditions: Buck and Bourbon Stew, followed by church, then home to open presents, leave out cookies for Santa and go to bed. Gigi and Papa were able to make it this year since there was no ice in their path and got here just before bedtime. Christmas morning brought sheer delight to the girls faces when they saw their new bikes and when Sydney saw her new journal that had an "S" on it and a pen with a plume. There were lots of great stocking stuffers and we all had a wonderful morning. Gigi and I cooked a big lunch and then they headed home. Then it was time to do laundry and pack because we headed out at 6:00 am the 26th to go to NE Arkansas to spend time with Minky and Unky. The girls had a blast as usual and we had a wonderful Christmas dinner and saw lots of family there as well. The 29th brought us home (another 7 hour trip). We were home one full day then it was back to Russellville to do Christmas with Uncle Bubby, Aunt Tara and all 5 of our cousins and then 2 hours back home that afternoon.

All in all it was a wonderful 2 weeks. Now we are on to a New Year with new beginnings, new resolutions and new plans. My New Years Blog will be a different post - cause I've got a lot to say about that!!!

The decorations are down now and we are back to normal, back to school, The Pampered Chef business is up and running again. I can't wait for Christmas next year - the Christmas story, the lights, the irritated people, the commercial aspect of it and the spirit of Christmas that comes out in people when you least expect it....every last bit of it - I can't wait!